My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MIDGETS
????
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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