I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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