nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
