it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
