we're blogging at a bar
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
