Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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