Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
