part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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