I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
