I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
