Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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