Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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