Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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