brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
