some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
