Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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