You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
