I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
