Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize