i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
