Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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