my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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