He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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