it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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