i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
