I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
