We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
