guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
