Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it hurts more in the daytime
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
