There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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