I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
