We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I lost the right to judge tonight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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