Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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