just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
