i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
