She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
