So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
love makes seman taste better
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
