You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
