Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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