When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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