I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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