i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
