I must be too annoying 4 u.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
