To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
