Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
