By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
