I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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