At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
