Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
