me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
