I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize