I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
