just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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