I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
