these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
