stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
