at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
