i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
