I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
