Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
