First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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