Soap is not a condiment
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
