Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can't motorboat a personality
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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