He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
