Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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