ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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