i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
