Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
