It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
