Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
