OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
