Swine flu. Run for my life!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
