I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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