I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
