That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
