Kiss
Puke
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
