worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
