so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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