There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
