Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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