A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
