ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
