i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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