Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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